There are some things you need to take with you at night. Because you never know what’s lurking in the shadows. Nighttimes, as you well know, is the favorite time for demons, ghouls and vampires to come out and play and go grab a bite to eat. You see, they do have much in common with us. Daytime is for sleeping and loafing, and nighttimes are for when the fun really starts. Like you, they also like clubbing. And like you, their hunger pangs never go away.
You are in danger if you lack imagination and creativity
Now, these creatures, because they don’t get out as often as you do, can get carried away, so it’s crucial that you are well prepared, way before the time. Your professor is not going to believe you when you tell him that you couldn’t complete typing out your dissertation because said monster lopped off your writing arm. Also, social security and Medicaid does not yet cover illnesses and injuries related to panic attacks caused by rare sightings of demons and ghouls, or septic bites from one of the many ascendants of the original Count.
The first thing you need to make damn sure about is your appearance. We’ll cover protection in a moment, but this cliché is still true if the correct approach is taken. Even for demons, ghouls and vampires, looks can be deceiving. So too (and this is important), smell. Forget about garlic. That trick has worn off, and even Dracula would still bite off your head, not out of lust, but purely because of your lack of imagination and creativity.
Become like them
You need to look like hell. You need to smell appalling too, so much so that they might be deceived into thinking of you as one of their own. You also want to scare other human cretins away from your immediate locale. But don’t be fooled into thinking that portable LED bars with spots will scare demons, ghouls and vampires. Vampires, in particular, have grown accustomed to light over the centuries. Artificial light sources, however, are nothing like the sun’s fiery rays and will have no effect on them now. These bars are for your own safety and they are also easy enough to mount on your truck.
Do you really want to be an exorcist?
You also need to talk to the pros about mounting the correct lighting effects because ghouls are particularly deceptive in both light and dark. They have the ability to simply slip into the light itself without anyone noticing. Weapons of choice are also tricky because essentially these creatures are supposed to be eternal-living. Talk to your local priest about ways and means to exorcise the demons from your line of sight.
Speaking of which, and here we must confess that we got a little carried away, such was our excitement, you’re not out to kill demons, ghouls and vampires. Like them, you’re simply going out to enjoy the night without them noticing. And like them, you only want to blend in without being noticed by the rest of the hordes.